When first getting into game I heard about Colin, or Skeletor as most know him by. An old wing of mine designed his Alchemy49 website and received free sessions from Colin as a result. From him I heard quite good things, but until now I always felt, I could do it myself and it’d be too expensive for a student.
I’ve always felt like something was missing in my game. I can be very charming or I can be completely shut off and uncreative. Which sometimes comes out as insulting as I don’t soften my teases. I’ve been in this game for far too long and felt I may have formed bad habits and constricting beliefs .
It was a bit of a mission finding his number but after asking around I managed to get it. After a few texts with Colin (and although I did mention that I was unsure if just approaching more would be more beneficial) he was happy to see me.
He assessed three areas of my past: my parent’s relationship and my relationship with them, my relationship with people and my sex life.
Growing up my mother and father went through an ongoing divorce from the time I was 5 until around 9. I moved in with my father as I felt he loved me more, my mother was quite unsocial so I couldn”t relate. After we left, my mother went off the rails, travelled and had more children. Colin stated the first woman I relate to is my mother and the reason why I require a girl to show interest or some sort of reciprocation is because my relationship and issues surrounding my mother resulted to this.
Whilst growing up although I orginally was a bully which was due to my parent’s situation. When I started high school (11-16) I was bullied emotionally, my friend circle was on the social hierachy quite low and I had a late growth spurt. This caused me to create a “I am weak” mentality and was very emotional, especially as my friend circle were not a typical masculine group (being mainly disabled). Outside of school I had a mid-popular friend circle. And although I was incessantly made fun of by most of them, it gave me that masculine behaviour(competitive sports, banter, recklessness) I required.
In terms of sex life, after getting into a relationship as stated previously I decided to quit reading game material and only asked advice towards the end of the relationship. I felt like the information I had gained prior was too much and it fucked me up. Although he did not mention this, this allowed me to connect more but not completely due to it being very up and down relationship and being quite closed at times.
Due to my upbringing I had formed the belief I was weak and countered that by neglecting the emotional side in myself and focused on the masculine qualities in myself. He gave an analogy of Terry Crews. Noone thinks he is not masculine but everyone can also agree he is quite feminine (or emotional). I always believed that it worked in one line, one end being feminine the other masculine. When in fact it is two lines which should balance out each other. This is also known in the game community as hard and soft dominance.
In terms of moving forward he recommended seeing Kieran the old Alchemy49 therapist. But stated that I was normal and had all the fundamentals for being good at this (confident, charismatic and intelligent) but I am missing a connection with the woman on an emotional level.